


A girls night out

by hoosonja



Category: Ylvis
Genre: self-indulgence, spa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoosonja/pseuds/hoosonja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bård gives his wife a surprise</p>
            </blockquote>





	A girls night out

**Author's Note:**

> To one-and-only-betty-rizzo, you inspired me to write it, since noone else was willing to :)

“I think you deserve a little treat,” Bård said and spun his wife around in a hug.

She giggled in surprise. 

“Ok, I think I do, but what’s the occasion?” she asked curiously. 

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to pamper you a bit, isn’t that enough?”

“Hey, you don’t hear me complaining,” she answered hastily and smiled at his handsome husband.

“Ok, get dressed, we have an appointment in about 40 minutes,” he said.

“An appointment? To where?” she asked curiously.

“To a spa.”

“And what do you mean “we”?”

“I am going to go with you.”

“So it’s a romantic thing, then?”

“Mhhh,” Bård answered with a non-committal sound. “I guess you could see it like that,” he admitted.

She got dressed in comfortable clothes and joined Bård after a little while. Together they walked to his car and Bård drove them to the spa.

“What kind of thing have you planned for us, exactly?” she asked inquisitively.

“Just wait and you’ll see. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it,” Bård answered.

She was dying to know, but all she could do was to wait and see. They checked in and walked to the dressing rooms, undressed down to their underwear and donned on luxurious, big fluffy white robes. They met on the interior side of the spa and Bård smiled mysteriously. 

“You’re about to get such a treat, he said.

“Ok…” she said.

Bård took her hand and lead her to a room, which had a two-sided bath, filled with something disgustingly brown and muddy and apparently warm, because wafts of steam rose from the tub. Bård made a flourish with his hand, seemingly proud of himself.

“Here you are milady, your bath awaits!”

She looked at Bård, dumbfounded. 

“Really? A mud bath?”

“Oh, most definitely! They say it makes your skin soft as a baby’s bottom!”

She thought Bård had gone completely bonkers, but took off her robe and tentatively tested the mud with her elbow. 

“Ooh, it’s feels really soft and warm,” she gasped, surprised.

“Uh huh,” Bård agreed. 

He disrobed as well and stepped carefully in the tub, holding out a hand to his wife.

“Come on, it feels really nice!” he urged her.

She followed him in and it felt wonderfully decadent to slide under the warm muddy surface. Bård took a hold of her and pulled her into his lap and she happily snuggled in, sighing happily.

“This is the good life!” she whispered to Bård.

“Just wait, there’s more!”

“What on Earth?”

Right then two young women came in, pushing a steel trolley before them. It had some towels and a large bowl of something brown in it. They pushed the trolley by the tub and the other gestured her to move to the other side of the tub. She obediently crawled there and sat down again. The ladies each took a towel and wrapped them around Bård and her hair. Then they pushed them gently downward, so the both of the Ylvisåkers leaned their heads on the end of the tub that had convenient little niches that were just perfectly placed for relaxing the neck. Then the ladies each took a handful of the brown stuff and gently massaged it into their faces. 

“Oooh,” she cooed. “You are the best husband ever!”

Bård didn’t make a sound, he was so wrapped up in feeling good.

“This smells wonderful, what’s in it?”

“Chocolate and beeswax, among other things,” one of the ladies answered.

After Bård and his wife had their faces covered in masks, the ladies left the room, leaving the couple to enjoy their mud bath. She looked at Bård, who was clearly enjoying his chocolate mask and burst out in giggles. 

“If only your fangirls could see you now, you are enjoying yourself way too much! They have no idea how self-indulgent you are!”

Bård just smirked. 

“I think they might have an inkling, at least some of them seem to. I have seen some fanfics about me…”

“Oh God,” she groaned. “Don’t tell me you’ve seen the drivel they’ve written? Some of it is really disgusting, they ship you with Calle, you with Vegard of all people and sometimes even the three of you together. It makes me want to vomit!”

“Oh, it sounds like you’ve seen quite a bit of it then. I’ve seen just a few and some it was rather funny. Like in one story I am a merman, and in that I am rather self-indulgent. It made me chuckle.”

“Let’s just not talk about that, it makes me feel dirty, having read the stuff that I have. I’d rather just concentrate on this moment.”

“Yes, let’s,” Bård agreed and closed his eyes.

His wife kicked him under the mud. 

“Don’t you dare close your eyes, Bård Urheim Ylvisåker!”

But it was already too late, Bård started snoring gently almost immediately.

“Oh crap,” she said out loud, but no one heard her.

After lonely 40 minutes the ladies came back in and wiped away the masks with warm moist towels. By then the mud in the tub had already cooled down a bit, so the couple climbed out and washed themselves in the shower that was conveniently placed in the corner of the room.

Bård took his wife’s hand on his own and rubbed it against his cheek and said grinning: “Feel it? Soft as a baby’s bum.”

She slapped him slightly on the shoulder.

“Oh you! I think this was more of a treat for you than to me, you just decided to take me with you!”

Bård tried to look innocent, but the twinkle in his eyes betrayed him. His wife recognized his expression and glared at him.

He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender and said “You got me! I thought it would look less gay if I took my wife with me when I had a facial. I’ve had some advances made at me the last couple of times I came here alone…”

She just shook her head. _He was getting facials all on his own. Wow._ Just when she had thought that nothing that Bård did would surprise her anymore.


End file.
